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I am dancing with the devil, playing with fire and I'm going to get burned...but I can't, can't stop and more is never enough.
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*its me and the moon*
06 March 2007 @ 01:29 am
This morning I woke up after having another scary dream...not scary in the sense of monsters or death, but more like anxiety dreams; forgetting to do important things, fighting with people, making the wrong decisions,etc. Anyways, i'm laying in bed looking up at the ceiling thinking unhappily about this dream and my cat who is laying beside me has woken up and is looking at me. She gets up and climbs on top of my chest purring and sticks her face right up to mine. She smells my face with her little cute nose and touches my face with her nose several times and then lies down on top of me purring and getting ready to go to sleep.
As lame as it is, it made my day. She had no other reason to come over except to show me love or to recieve love from me. Its almost as though she knew something was wrong. The way animals respond to us and send us messages and show us affection astonishes me.
As lame as it is, it made my day. She had no other reason to come over except to show me love or to recieve love from me. Its almost as though she knew something was wrong. The way animals respond to us and send us messages and show us affection astonishes me.
07 February 2007 @ 11:12 pm
Tommorow I'm going to class and then coming home and then getting on a plane to go to British Columbia. I'm sooooo excited! I know its only still in Canada, but B.C. is somewhere I've always wanted to go since I was little....and I finally get to see 'muscles':) Koosh rented a chalet in Whistler with 3 other couples. I can't wait to snowboard!! (now that i actually can...and p.s katie my life goal is now to teach you, no matter how much i have to force you). How the heck am I suppose to get through the next 20 hours!! I can't wait!!! Time is moving sooo slow!.
gahh, anyways, i'm at work and probably should get back to what i'm getting paid to do. Yay reading week.
gahh, anyways, i'm at work and probably should get back to what i'm getting paid to do. Yay reading week.
Current Mood: 
excited
excited24 October 2006 @ 07:15 pm
Well when you go
don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
And after all this time that you still owe
You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out, better get out
While you can
When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
like I did
yesterday
Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
Is where you oughta stay
And after all the blood you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up, better get up
While you can
When you go
Would you have the guts to say
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
And after all this time that you still owe
You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out, better get out
While you can
When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
like I did
yesterday
Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
Is where you oughta stay
And after all the blood you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up, better get up
While you can
When you go
Would you have the guts to say
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
Current Mood: 
angry
angryCurrent Music: My Chemical Romance
18 October 2006 @ 01:09 pm
umm...i want to be a ballerina.
Beverly Hills 90210 FINALLY comes out on dvd...whooo..november 7th season one..spread the word to people you know who like the show so they'll keep coming out with all the seasons on dvd if people buy it.
O.C season three comes out Oct 24 spread that too so they don't cancel the damn show!
I am obsessed with The Wonder Years! it is soo damn good, especially the narrative aspect of life in the 60's. Does anyone know if that is out on dvd??!!
I'm a big loser.
Oh..and I quit my job right after buying a fifteen hundred dollar tv for my room. Maybe i should go back to retail and make $2 an hour again...i haven't been happy job-wise since the Home Co before jenny-bitch egg head came along and ruined everything.
The grudge two sucked never see it.
That's all bye.
Beverly Hills 90210 FINALLY comes out on dvd...whooo..november 7th season one..spread the word to people you know who like the show so they'll keep coming out with all the seasons on dvd if people buy it.
O.C season three comes out Oct 24 spread that too so they don't cancel the damn show!
I am obsessed with The Wonder Years! it is soo damn good, especially the narrative aspect of life in the 60's. Does anyone know if that is out on dvd??!!
I'm a big loser.
Oh..and I quit my job right after buying a fifteen hundred dollar tv for my room. Maybe i should go back to retail and make $2 an hour again...i haven't been happy job-wise since the Home Co before jenny-bitch egg head came along and ruined everything.
The grudge two sucked never see it.
That's all bye.
17 September 2006 @ 07:06 pm
I've decided that september is not a good month for me.
Every year when school starts, I actually kinda look forward to it, or at least i convince myself that I'm looking forward to it. But then it comes and I get that yucky, panicky "what am I doing here, what am I going to do with my life, I don't want to try anymore" feeling. The same kinda feelings I got before I dropped out of laurier, except they were way worse back then. Eck...at this point i'm trying to turn off my brain and just use my body to complete day to day tasks until september is over. "don't think just do don't think just do"
On a happier note, yesterday was koosh's birthday party and he got really really drunk as per usual and passed out. Poor cutie, he's so hungover today. Katie and Marlee both came and visited me which made me so happy. Exactly what I need right now with my dad being perma-angry, my yucky school blues, and my mom going crazy...actually crazy, not the figure of speech kind.
I bought koosh leafs vs montreal canadien tickets, i'm excited to go to the game. I also bought him a shirt, a hoodie, an iPod shuffle clip and go, v for vendetta, and an apple iSight webcam. I win best girlfriend! aww but koosh deserves it :)
Anyways, i'm off to go do stuff.
Every year when school starts, I actually kinda look forward to it, or at least i convince myself that I'm looking forward to it. But then it comes and I get that yucky, panicky "what am I doing here, what am I going to do with my life, I don't want to try anymore" feeling. The same kinda feelings I got before I dropped out of laurier, except they were way worse back then. Eck...at this point i'm trying to turn off my brain and just use my body to complete day to day tasks until september is over. "don't think just do don't think just do"
On a happier note, yesterday was koosh's birthday party and he got really really drunk as per usual and passed out. Poor cutie, he's so hungover today. Katie and Marlee both came and visited me which made me so happy. Exactly what I need right now with my dad being perma-angry, my yucky school blues, and my mom going crazy...actually crazy, not the figure of speech kind.
I bought koosh leafs vs montreal canadien tickets, i'm excited to go to the game. I also bought him a shirt, a hoodie, an iPod shuffle clip and go, v for vendetta, and an apple iSight webcam. I win best girlfriend! aww but koosh deserves it :)
Anyways, i'm off to go do stuff.
Current Mood: 
blah
blahCurrent Music: Loneliest Girl in the World-Cary brothers
14 July 2006 @ 07:40 pm
My life right now consists of walking up at 4am going to work for 10 hours coming home and attempting to study (summer course) for the two hours of my day that i have free and then eating and going to bed at like 8pm so i can wake up the next morning to do the very same thing. You would think that I would at least enjoy the money that i'm making....but no! a. There's no time left in my day for that...and b. every penny is going towards paying for school, and I still won't have enough! Summer is ending and winter is coming and i see no one and do nothing and hate everything.
Goodnight.
Current Mood: frustrated
frustratedCurrent Music: The Fray- How to save a life
19 June 2006 @ 11:22 am
Millionaire say got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away
But i'm not too sure how I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love
Make room for the prey
Cause I'm coming in with what I wanna say
But it's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate
But I'm not not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
Like the one that just passed in the crowds of all the
people
Remember today, I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back and
It's just a fad part of the teen, teenage angst brigade
and....
I'm not, not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
Like the one that just passed in the crowds of all the
people
Remember today, I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
Remember today, I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you
I love the way you love, but I hate the way I'm supposed to
love you back
And thrown it all away
But i'm not too sure how I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love
Make room for the prey
Cause I'm coming in with what I wanna say
But it's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate
But I'm not not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
Like the one that just passed in the crowds of all the
people
Remember today, I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back and
It's just a fad part of the teen, teenage angst brigade
and....
I'm not, not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
Like the one that just passed in the crowds of all the
people
Remember today, I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
Remember today, I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you
I love the way you love, but I hate the way I'm supposed to
love you back
Current Mood: 
sad
sadCurrent Music: Silverchair
03 May 2006 @ 11:46 am
It feels like everything, for once, is good and okay right now.
School and exams finished so early for me this year and went by quickly and well.
I finally found a job that pays well..even though the hours are shit, it's a good company.
I love my friends and can't wait to see them tons this summer.
I have the kindest, most selfless boyfriend in the world.
I finally get along with my mom like she's my friend, something i've wanted my whole life, instead of feeling like she hates me and her craziness.
I love my kitten as always.
So yeah, all those things are probably things that everyone else has, but it all feels so simple and nice for once...i'm so grateful.
Current Mood: 
gloomy
gloomyCurrent Music: Bruce Springsteen-For You
03 March 2006 @ 10:31 am
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes
you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably
is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
Consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully
commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make
someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
-miss oprah winfrey
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes
you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably
is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
Consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully
commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make
someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
-miss oprah winfrey
Current Mood: 
weird
weird18 February 2006 @ 11:15 pm
Back me down from backing up/Hold your breath now it's stacking up/Etched with marks, but I can deal/And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling/so maybe I won't be alone/Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was hell/But today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you/And all I ever thought you'd be/That face is tearing holes in me again
Trust you is just one defense/off a list of others, you don't make sense/Beg me time and time again/to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was hell/But today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you/And all I ever thought you'd be/That face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you/And all the things you put me through/I'm holding on by letting go of you
And when that memory slips away/There'll be a better view from here/And only lonesome you remains/and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away
Yesterday was hell/But today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be/That face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through/I'm holding on by letting go of you
Try this on, straitjacket feeling/so maybe I won't be alone/Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was hell/But today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you/And all I ever thought you'd be/That face is tearing holes in me again
Trust you is just one defense/off a list of others, you don't make sense/Beg me time and time again/to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was hell/But today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you/And all I ever thought you'd be/That face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you/And all the things you put me through/I'm holding on by letting go of you
And when that memory slips away/There'll be a better view from here/And only lonesome you remains/and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away
Yesterday was hell/But today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be/That face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you/Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through/I'm holding on by letting go of you
Current Mood: 
sleepy
sleepyCurrent Music: AAR
04 January 2006 @ 05:47 am
Yup..thats it. My month of just me is up. I started back at school today and I'm leaving in half an hour to pick up my mom and brother. I miss my brother though...so it'll be nice to just hang out with him.
But still..family-free december was awesome! Lots of drunkeness, partying, my birthday, Christmas, New Years..everything was so fun.
New Years has to take the win though...I woke up planning to spend it by myself...bottle of champagne and a bubble bath sounded perfect. But of course, that didn't happen. We ended up deciding 4 hours before midnight that I was gonna have people here. And the night of randomness began...
-tequila shots were taken off my body, and I wasn't even aware of it
-i took tequila shots of neesha and yasmeen...and again, wasn't very aware of it
-koosh got alcohol poisoning I'm pretty sure, considering he passed out, puked eight times and threw up blood and landed himself a snuggly spot next to sean in bed.
-papes looked through my lingerie like they were artifacts in a museum
-i lost my cell phone in the snow when me, jay, neesha, and mike papes went for a walk, ended up at a random house party, a guy there called some girl who somehow found my cell phone, got mike to drive us to a street off of shelter bay to get my cell phone.
-darvin got drunk...DARVIN!!
-i shared my mittens with chauhan
-yasmeen and neesha got into a full fledge bitch fight-hair pulling and all
-i woke up with NO hangover...remember this is ME...i smell alcohol and i'm garaunteed a hangover but NOPE not this time
Anyways, it was a great way to end the year. As scary as it is to admit it..i'm excited for 2006. I think this year is gonna be something else!
But still..family-free december was awesome! Lots of drunkeness, partying, my birthday, Christmas, New Years..everything was so fun.
New Years has to take the win though...I woke up planning to spend it by myself...bottle of champagne and a bubble bath sounded perfect. But of course, that didn't happen. We ended up deciding 4 hours before midnight that I was gonna have people here. And the night of randomness began...
-tequila shots were taken off my body, and I wasn't even aware of it
-i took tequila shots of neesha and yasmeen...and again, wasn't very aware of it
-koosh got alcohol poisoning I'm pretty sure, considering he passed out, puked eight times and threw up blood and landed himself a snuggly spot next to sean in bed.
-papes looked through my lingerie like they were artifacts in a museum
-i lost my cell phone in the snow when me, jay, neesha, and mike papes went for a walk, ended up at a random house party, a guy there called some girl who somehow found my cell phone, got mike to drive us to a street off of shelter bay to get my cell phone.
-darvin got drunk...DARVIN!!
-i shared my mittens with chauhan
-yasmeen and neesha got into a full fledge bitch fight-hair pulling and all
-i woke up with NO hangover...remember this is ME...i smell alcohol and i'm garaunteed a hangover but NOPE not this time
Anyways, it was a great way to end the year. As scary as it is to admit it..i'm excited for 2006. I think this year is gonna be something else!
Current Mood: content
contentCurrent Music: Kanye and Adam Lavigne
22 December 2005 @ 04:16 pm
Yep, thats right...I welcomed 21 years in with style...aka the biggest party weekend ever! I'm totally drained and sick and sniffly from it as proof!
Friday was my last exam!! I hung out with some friends from school for a bit then drove home, napped, and the partying began! Everyone came over, foretook in some illegal substances and partied the night away. It was quite a night, lots of interesting things happened...got asked to be in a threesome, saw lots of random naked ass..eww., had some good conversations with people and found out some really interesting information about people too! It's so crazy that we could think we know someone really well but completely not know something about them that is so prominent in their lives. Anyways, we slept 0 hours and I was seperated from dan, jen, ricky and people for like 2 hours before it was party time again the next day!
Saturday, I attempt to nap but alas it was time to start drinking, all the girlies and boys came over and we took a limo downtown to Distrik. It wasn't as nice as I thought it was going to be..but it was still lots of fun! I got really drunk really fast! I love how my girlfriends puke on my boyfriends. Jenn Crispers puked on Ricki's pants and Robray on Sean's sweater..hahah...i love it.
Monday..Koosh took me to red lobster for my birthday dinner and gave me the sexiest most beautiful diamond necklace i've ever seen in my life! He even researched the grade and clarity of the diamond and its damn hot and soo expensive I wanted to kill him and kiss him at the same time!
And now i'm sick. I'm sitting here with a hat on marlee bought me, its got ears coming out of it and a smiley face on it and two strings with balls on the end coming down and my cat has honestly been sitting here staring at my head for like 20 mins non stop...ahah she's so puzzled by the creature on my head.
I might try to post pictures of the weekend..but it takes so long so maybe not...we'll see!
Friday was my last exam!! I hung out with some friends from school for a bit then drove home, napped, and the partying began! Everyone came over, foretook in some illegal substances and partied the night away. It was quite a night, lots of interesting things happened...got asked to be in a threesome, saw lots of random naked ass..eww., had some good conversations with people and found out some really interesting information about people too! It's so crazy that we could think we know someone really well but completely not know something about them that is so prominent in their lives. Anyways, we slept 0 hours and I was seperated from dan, jen, ricky and people for like 2 hours before it was party time again the next day!
Saturday, I attempt to nap but alas it was time to start drinking, all the girlies and boys came over and we took a limo downtown to Distrik. It wasn't as nice as I thought it was going to be..but it was still lots of fun! I got really drunk really fast! I love how my girlfriends puke on my boyfriends. Jenn Crispers puked on Ricki's pants and Robray on Sean's sweater..hahah...i love it.
Monday..Koosh took me to red lobster for my birthday dinner and gave me the sexiest most beautiful diamond necklace i've ever seen in my life! He even researched the grade and clarity of the diamond and its damn hot and soo expensive I wanted to kill him and kiss him at the same time!
And now i'm sick. I'm sitting here with a hat on marlee bought me, its got ears coming out of it and a smiley face on it and two strings with balls on the end coming down and my cat has honestly been sitting here staring at my head for like 20 mins non stop...ahah she's so puzzled by the creature on my head.
I might try to post pictures of the weekend..but it takes so long so maybe not...we'll see!
Current Mood: happy
happyCurrent Music: sniff sniff
05 December 2005 @ 02:44 pm
Ask me why I'm updating a stupid livejournal when i have an exam tommorow morning and only have a couple of hours to study for it and i've read NONE of the material and know nothing!!??? Oh dear.
I'm lying on my bed typing away on koosh's labtop. The keys are so silent and soft and i'm so comfy i love it! I made up some excuse like "i'm gonna type out my study notes on it" to use it...hahah sucker, yeah right!!
My family has effectively disappeared. I do not know where they are. Half of them left in november and the other half left last week and i've heard from no one. Koosh has only moved in for a couple days now and every room i go into i find an article of his clothing. I don't understand it really...like his socks will be in the kitchen, some boxers in the dining room, clothes all over the floor in the hallway and living room...today as i was leaving for school in the morning i found a pair of pants directly infront of the front door. How often does this kid change his clothing and why does he do it all over the house!
Last night I watched "prozac nation" cause i heard its a really good book and want to read it and saw the movie so decided to watch that. It is soo friggin sad and depressing and makes you think your crazy but at the same time is so real. It's brutally honest. I was soo sad for like an hour after watching it...like a sick in my stomach sad. The writting in it is really beautiful tho.
Bah my cat is chasing the mouse arrow thing on the labtop...this is amusing....i REALLY should start studying.
Oh..I quit my job kinda...i'm not gonna have money now but oh well! I need to de-stress myself and I don't want to work somewhere that makes me feel like shit.
I'm going to fail..wish me luck :S
I'm lying on my bed typing away on koosh's labtop. The keys are so silent and soft and i'm so comfy i love it! I made up some excuse like "i'm gonna type out my study notes on it" to use it...hahah sucker, yeah right!!
My family has effectively disappeared. I do not know where they are. Half of them left in november and the other half left last week and i've heard from no one. Koosh has only moved in for a couple days now and every room i go into i find an article of his clothing. I don't understand it really...like his socks will be in the kitchen, some boxers in the dining room, clothes all over the floor in the hallway and living room...today as i was leaving for school in the morning i found a pair of pants directly infront of the front door. How often does this kid change his clothing and why does he do it all over the house!
Last night I watched "prozac nation" cause i heard its a really good book and want to read it and saw the movie so decided to watch that. It is soo friggin sad and depressing and makes you think your crazy but at the same time is so real. It's brutally honest. I was soo sad for like an hour after watching it...like a sick in my stomach sad. The writting in it is really beautiful tho.
Bah my cat is chasing the mouse arrow thing on the labtop...this is amusing....i REALLY should start studying.
Oh..I quit my job kinda...i'm not gonna have money now but oh well! I need to de-stress myself and I don't want to work somewhere that makes me feel like shit.
I'm going to fail..wish me luck :S
Current Mood: 
nervous
nervous24 November 2005 @ 05:51 am
I don't blame you for wanting to pretend it's not there...
Current Music: Say Anything-Wow I can be sexual too.
06 November 2005 @ 10:57 am
One more time
I have crossed the line
Now you won't be mine
Anymore
One more dream
Vanished up in smoke
Now i have no hope
Anymore
Let it go
The damage in your heart
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
One more tear
Falling down your face
Doesn't mean that much to the world
One more loss
In a losing life
Doesn't hurt so bad
Anymore
Let it go
The damage in your heart
Let it go
The damage in your heart
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
One more tear
Falling down your face
Doesn't mean that much to the world
Let it go
The damage in your heart
Let it go
The damage in your heart
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
I cant tell you
I cant tell you...
How the words have made me feel
I have crossed the line
Now you won't be mine
Anymore
One more dream
Vanished up in smoke
Now i have no hope
Anymore
Let it go
The damage in your heart
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
One more tear
Falling down your face
Doesn't mean that much to the world
One more loss
In a losing life
Doesn't hurt so bad
Anymore
Let it go
The damage in your heart
Let it go
The damage in your heart
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
One more tear
Falling down your face
Doesn't mean that much to the world
Let it go
The damage in your heart
Let it go
The damage in your heart
I can't tell you how the words have made me feel
I cant tell you
I cant tell you...
How the words have made me feel
Current Mood: pessimistic
pessimisticCurrent Music: weezer
13 October 2005 @ 08:03 pm
I've been having a good couple of weeks. Me and marlee are awesome again, I'm so relieved, I missed that girl like crazy, and was going crazy thinking we could just end up not friends. But that could never happen, ever, and I'm so glad we both finally put our stubborness aside and got our acts together. The Bastards first annual Tofurkey cocktail party 2005 was AMAZING! Everything about it, the meal, the princess tiaras, the drunkness and karioke! I've also managed to keep my spirits up the past few weeks, despite the lack of sunshine and the creeping in of the cold yucky muggy rainy shitty weather. I hung up a picture of Steven Tyler in my room doing this rock pose with his nails painted and his mouth wide open...its hot...and makes me happy.
School is school, altho I'm convinced I will not pass Stats. Even if I do pass it, its not good enough!! I need a 65 in it to stay in my program! I keep doing ANYTHING but studying for stats, like trying to figure out how bad I am allowed to do on the tests and still get a 65 and updating my lj (hehe oops). I have a lot of essays coming up, but from what I think, they're not going to be too too bad...one of them I'm writing on "America's Next Top Model" whoohoo.
Anyways, I'm going for dinner not so I can eat and get fat instead of studying. Oh dear.
Current Music: Bloc Party
01 September 2005 @ 08:33 am
Oh boy...
So I have been at East Side Marios now for like sixteen days straight. It's going okay I suppose, meeting new people, and learning how to serve. I must admit tho, I kinda suck at it. I just can't stop talking once I start when I go to a table. WORD VOMIT!!! Hopefully I get better. You bastards better come visit me!
Haha speaking of word vomit...me ashley swerdon and katie watched mean girls the other night, that movie is so funny! I can't stop loving it. Yesterday me and marlee watched A lot like love...it sucked so bad! They try to make it look so good with avril in the previews..but it was soooo bad! Meh, the kraft dinner and deep and delicious cake made up for it!
I can't believe school starts soooo soon! Oh my...its september 1 today! when the fuck did that happen! It just snuck up on me!
This weekend is katie's birthday, can't wait...and sunday is Koosh's triathlon in guelph! He's been training so hard for it and under alot of stress..I'm so proud!
Oh and then next weekend I'm going to Marineland!! finally!! i've been waiting all summer for my killer whales..and we're going to the casino to watch poker!
Anyways, I'm off to do some laundry and go to the gym and then the dentist!
So I have been at East Side Marios now for like sixteen days straight. It's going okay I suppose, meeting new people, and learning how to serve. I must admit tho, I kinda suck at it. I just can't stop talking once I start when I go to a table. WORD VOMIT!!! Hopefully I get better. You bastards better come visit me!
Haha speaking of word vomit...me ashley swerdon and katie watched mean girls the other night, that movie is so funny! I can't stop loving it. Yesterday me and marlee watched A lot like love...it sucked so bad! They try to make it look so good with avril in the previews..but it was soooo bad! Meh, the kraft dinner and deep and delicious cake made up for it!
I can't believe school starts soooo soon! Oh my...its september 1 today! when the fuck did that happen! It just snuck up on me!
This weekend is katie's birthday, can't wait...and sunday is Koosh's triathlon in guelph! He's been training so hard for it and under alot of stress..I'm so proud!
Oh and then next weekend I'm going to Marineland!! finally!! i've been waiting all summer for my killer whales..and we're going to the casino to watch poker!
Anyways, I'm off to do some laundry and go to the gym and then the dentist!
Current Mood: excited
excitedCurrent Music: Deathcab
24 August 2005 @ 07:52 pm
love not such nights as these.....
Its great when you get a call from collections saying you owe $1300 because you were trying to help someone out a couple years ago and they fucked you over. Then you spend everyday talking to fucking Bell Canada who made a mistake and can't fix it and is forcing you to still pay the $1300. And you can't afford it so someone else pays it for you and now you feel so bad and have to pay that someone else 1300 and its constantly on your mind of how exactly you're going to pull it off. Fuck.
It's also wonderful when the one thing in your entire life that you were sure of, the one thing you love, completely pulls a 180 and ditches out on you...your rock just sank...just to come back and expect you to be sure of it again.
I was having such a great happy time there for awhile. I loved everything, even if things were not so good I was still happy and smiling to myself because I remembered all the things I had that I should be happy about...that "everything's not okay but its still okay" good feeling. I should have known that feeling was only going to be short lived. It got stolen away.
I sound pessimistic, so call me a pessimist..call me fucked up, tell me I have a bad attitude, hey even call me selfish if you want...because you know exactly who I am and everything about me, you know everything I feel and everything I think about. Keep taking stabs at me and ignore the fact of what its doing to me.
I don't care.
Its great when you get a call from collections saying you owe $1300 because you were trying to help someone out a couple years ago and they fucked you over. Then you spend everyday talking to fucking Bell Canada who made a mistake and can't fix it and is forcing you to still pay the $1300. And you can't afford it so someone else pays it for you and now you feel so bad and have to pay that someone else 1300 and its constantly on your mind of how exactly you're going to pull it off. Fuck.
It's also wonderful when the one thing in your entire life that you were sure of, the one thing you love, completely pulls a 180 and ditches out on you...your rock just sank...just to come back and expect you to be sure of it again.
I was having such a great happy time there for awhile. I loved everything, even if things were not so good I was still happy and smiling to myself because I remembered all the things I had that I should be happy about...that "everything's not okay but its still okay" good feeling. I should have known that feeling was only going to be short lived. It got stolen away.
I sound pessimistic, so call me a pessimist..call me fucked up, tell me I have a bad attitude, hey even call me selfish if you want...because you know exactly who I am and everything about me, you know everything I feel and everything I think about. Keep taking stabs at me and ignore the fact of what its doing to me.
I don't care.
Current Mood: bitchy
bitchyCurrent Music: finch-what it is to burn
21 July 2005 @ 04:12 pm
It's funny.
That you'd be so quick to label me...to judge me...after everything that I stood by your side for, even though you were wrong. Even though you did something that was against my number one moral, that I was disguisted by, I still was on your side. I didn't for a second judge you or think less of you, or think of you as a bad or horrible person as I would have of anyone else who did the same thing. Instead I tried my best to help you, to justify it in your head to help you feel better and at ease. Told you it was a mistake and that everyone makes mistakes and that you've learned from it and are bettering yourself. As hard as it was for me to support you, I did, because even if the whole world fucks us over, we're suppose to be the ones that never turn our backs on each other right? But it sucks so much that I'm now finding out it doesn't exactly work that way does it? That I can't expect that back from you anymore. That I can no longer tell you everything and anything free from judgement or dissaproval. That's the one thing we had that I cherished so much.
Current Mood: rejuvenated
rejuvenatedCurrent Music: Aqualung-Strange and Beautiful